Archive for November, 2010

He Made the Bed. Now Lie in It!

Posted on November 18, 2010. Filed under: Newlywed |

I prefer to keep things neat and orderly. So does my husband; he’s just not as neat as I am. Nevertheless, I am impressed with his organization and cleanliness and I don’t tell him that enough. There is one thing that has to happen every morning, though: the making of the bed. Adam is very good about making the bed when the duty falls to him. His bed-making skills have vastly improved in the short time we’ve been married. So this morning when I came out of the bathroom I was quite surprised to see the following masterpiece. He’ll have a new medium to work with once I switch our bedding this weekend.

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My Golden [Variegated Schefflera] Retriever

Posted on November 12, 2010. Filed under: Gardening, Newlywed | Tags: , , |

If you are my husband, close friend, sorority sister, family member, or co-worker, it is common knowledge that I’ve wanted a puppy for quite some time. Adam put the kibosh on the subject once he gave me a sparkly ring. He said I got one major thing I wanted and the four-legged dream could wait. But in his defense, he did go to my parents a few years back desperate to give me the best Christmas gift ever and they too squelched my chances at puppy ownership.

I realize that the time is NOT right for a puppy. Adding a little pooping, shedding, bad breath monster to the newlywed mix could be catastrophic. However, I cannot help it when those wheels start turning in my head. It always begins like this for me when I hanker after something: puppies, shoes, a new winter coat, chocolate, regular Coca-Cola, or Harry Potter-related goods. So here I am at my own impasse: my heart really wants a puppy, but my head says no, no, NO!

Just in case my heart wins out over my head, I should remember what I experienced in preparing for this blog post. I attempted a little research by Googling: “if I had a puppy.” The first search result: “Has anyone ever had a puppy that survived Parvo?” Good grief, Google! Are you sending me a message, or what? In fact, many of the results were about puppy mills. And one was a video of a puppy being flushed down a toilet in Great Britain and his subsequent rescue. He lived to wag his tail another day, thank God. A direct quote from the article: “A British pup had a narrow flush with disaster after his 4-year-old master decided to give him a bath in the toilet.” (Huffington Post) Yikes! I didn’t post the video because it nearly made me cry when I saw that little thing trapped in a drainage pipe rolling about. From these five minutes of most diligent research, I discerned that God and/or Google is telling me that I am not ready to be a puppy-owner. I’ll listen to both of them.

In spite of this – or maybe because of, I am the new mommy of a beautiful indoor potted plant: the variegated Schefflera. The nice people at Hastings last weekend told me this baby is practically indestructible. Scheff looks a little like the picture, except he is bigger and better. Adam and I even cleaned his leaves so he would look shiny and brand new! Hopefully Scheff will fill the puppy void for now. And I won’t be flushing him down the toilet to clean his leaves. One point for me! And he doesn’t have bad

breath. Two points for

me!

A smaller, less important Schefflera than our very own

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Name Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Posted on November 4, 2010. Filed under: Newlywed | Tags: |

Changing your name is a huge PIA. I had no idea there is so much paperwork. There are form letters, and tax filings, and insurance drivel. There are passport photos, long lines, and cheerful government employees with fewer skills than I have making more money than me with amazing pensions waiting for them when they retire pre-sexagenarian stage. (I swear I’m not bitter.)

Despite the frustration I feel every night when I pull out another stack of forms to complete, I can understand why the U.S. government insists on this process being difficult. It’s just like those Pro-Vision (AIT) scanners that capture all your nakey parts and transmit them – hopefully closed-circuit – across the airport to some dude in a “resolution room” (not sure if this makes me more or less comfortable). “Resolution dude” determines whether or not you can pass through airport security and get to your gate where you’ll most likely be patted down – “randomly” – by another TSA Agent. Hopefully it’s not “Resolution dude”. That would be creepy… I digress. My point is that AIT scanners and name change forms are the federal government’s way of protecting Americans. And I’m all about being protected; as long as every other Joe Schmo that wants to be Jeff Schmo goes through the same rigmarole that I do.

Meanwhile, my darling husband believes that he is doing me a great honor by giving me his name. Thank you, honey. While I am proud to share your name and grateful that you are my husband, I should get to choose 5 of the next Netflix movies in our queue for my trouble. I don’t see you going to the Social Security Office, the DMV, the Post Office, or Human Resources. I’m thinking Dances with Wolves, Gone with the Wind, a Nicholas Sparks movie (any of them will do!), Bridget Jones Diary, and When Harry Met Sally will make me feel much honored.

Oh, and I apologize for my cheekiness.

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