Changing your name is a huge PIA. I had no idea there is so much paperwork. There are form letters, and tax filings, and insurance drivel. There are passport photos, long lines, and cheerful government employees with fewer skills than I have making more money than me with amazing pensions waiting for them when they retire pre-sexagenarian stage. (I swear I’m not bitter.)
Despite the frustration I feel every night when I pull out another stack of forms to complete, I can understand why the U.S. government insists on this process being difficult. It’s just like those Pro-Vision (AIT) scanners that capture all your nakey parts and transmit them – hopefully closed-circuit – across the airport to some dude in a “resolution room” (not sure if this makes me more or less comfortable). “Resolution dude” determines whether or not you can pass through airport security and get to your gate where you’ll most likely be patted down – “randomly” – by another TSA Agent. Hopefully it’s not “Resolution dude”. That would be creepy… I digress. My point is that AIT scanners and name change forms are the federal government’s way of protecting Americans. And I’m all about being protected; as long as every other Joe Schmo that wants to be Jeff Schmo goes through the same rigmarole that I do.
Meanwhile, my darling husband believes that he is doing me a great honor by giving me his name. Thank you, honey. While I am proud to share your name and grateful that you are my husband, I should get to choose 5 of the next Netflix movies in our queue for my trouble. I don’t see you going to the Social Security Office, the DMV, the Post Office, or Human Resources. I’m thinking Dances with Wolves, Gone with the Wind, a Nicholas Sparks movie (any of them will do!), Bridget Jones Diary, and When Harry Met Sally will make me feel much honored.
Oh, and I apologize for my cheekiness.