My Golden [Variegated Schefflera] Retriever

Posted on November 12, 2010. Filed under: Gardening, Newlywed | Tags: , , |

If you are my husband, close friend, sorority sister, family member, or co-worker, it is common knowledge that I’ve wanted a puppy for quite some time. Adam put the kibosh on the subject once he gave me a sparkly ring. He said I got one major thing I wanted and the four-legged dream could wait. But in his defense, he did go to my parents a few years back desperate to give me the best Christmas gift ever and they too squelched my chances at puppy ownership.

I realize that the time is NOT right for a puppy. Adding a little pooping, shedding, bad breath monster to the newlywed mix could be catastrophic. However, I cannot help it when those wheels start turning in my head. It always begins like this for me when I hanker after something: puppies, shoes, a new winter coat, chocolate, regular Coca-Cola, or Harry Potter-related goods. So here I am at my own impasse: my heart really wants a puppy, but my head says no, no, NO!

Just in case my heart wins out over my head, I should remember what I experienced in preparing for this blog post. I attempted a little research by Googling: “if I had a puppy.” The first search result: “Has anyone ever had a puppy that survived Parvo?” Good grief, Google! Are you sending me a message, or what? In fact, many of the results were about puppy mills. And one was a video of a puppy being flushed down a toilet in Great Britain and his subsequent rescue. He lived to wag his tail another day, thank God. A direct quote from the article: “A British pup had a narrow flush with disaster after his 4-year-old master decided to give him a bath in the toilet.” (Huffington Post) Yikes! I didn’t post the video because it nearly made me cry when I saw that little thing trapped in a drainage pipe rolling about. From these five minutes of most diligent research, I discerned that God and/or Google is telling me that I am not ready to be a puppy-owner. I’ll listen to both of them.

In spite of this – or maybe because of, I am the new mommy of a beautiful indoor potted plant: the variegated Schefflera. The nice people at Hastings last weekend told me this baby is practically indestructible. Scheff looks a little like the picture, except he is bigger and better. Adam and I even cleaned his leaves so he would look shiny and brand new! Hopefully Scheff will fill the puppy void for now. And I won’t be flushing him down the toilet to clean his leaves. One point for me! And he doesn’t have bad

breath. Two points for


A smaller, less important Schefflera than our very own


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4 Responses to “My Golden [Variegated Schefflera] Retriever”

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This is an old post but I’m wondering… Have you gotten a puppy yet?!

Sadly no!!! It’s a constant topic of conversation in our house though. I think we’ve narrowed it down to a Brittany, a Labradoodle, or a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Those are 3 very different dogs, I know! As of now, we’d like to wait until spring. That will give us time to fix the fence in the backyard and it will be warmer weather for house training.

[…] case you didn’t know, I’ve been begging Adam for a puppy since the beginning of […]

[…] Scheffy! Isn’t he lookin’ […]

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